“我就是覺得我，很醜”

25inch是多少腰圍

“魔鏡魔鏡告訴我，誰是世界上最難看的女孩？”

“不用你說，我知道是我。”

2020年11月，由趙薇擔任發起人的國內首檔女性獨白劇

《聽見她說》

以不同女性為第一視角，將當代中國女性的生存痛點赤裸裸地展露在觀眾面前。

其中，以“容貌焦慮”為主題的第一集

《魔鏡》

，像是一枚投進中國女性內心的炸彈，讓她們開始更深刻地審視自己——

在這個不可避免被“看臉”的時代，我“容貌焦慮”了嗎？

“A man is in charge of making money， a woman is in charge of being pretty。” Though gender equality dominates mainstream conversation， this maxim still shapes our societal values and reinforces gender roles in all aspects of our lives。

Unsurprisingly， in societies such as China and greater East Asia where the competition to be the best and look the most beautiful is fierce， looking pretty and keeping fit is the feminine ideal。 For young women in urban China， body image is a topic that‘s often discussed， yet not nearly enough。

01

A charming curse

《魔鏡》是一集只有二十幾分鐘的短片，故事的開頭很簡單：

演員齊溪飾演的女孩Yoyo是一名“重度容貌焦慮”

患者

，平均每天花在照鏡子上的時間達到2小時37分鐘。如往常一樣，這天她濃妝豔抹，在家裡一頓自拍和修圖，發了朋友圈並收穫了眾人的點贊。然後，她有些空虛地來到鏡子前卸妝。她一邊卸妝一邊回憶起整容前遇到的一位溫暖的醫生。那位醫生告訴她，她不需要整容，一切都剛剛好。但她哭了起來，說——

“我就是覺得我，很醜。”

《魔鏡》播出後，立刻掀起全網對容貌焦慮、身材焦慮等話題的探討。

對當代年輕人來說，容貌焦慮是個也許不會常常被提及，但一旦討論起來便會讓每個人都產生共鳴的話題。

微博上，許多網友表示，“活在每一天的容貌焦慮中”是一種常態：

也有一些網友，在焦慮中逐漸學會接納自己的不完美，與自己和解：

還有更多人，一邊在似乎永遠不會消除的容貌焦慮中掙扎，一邊試圖跳出這個怪圈，努力讓自己變得優秀和自信：

近日，一則名為

#近六成受訪大學生有容貌焦慮#

的微博話題登上熱搜，讓更多人開始思考何為容貌焦慮、身材焦慮，以及這樣的焦慮從何而來。

在中國高校傳媒聯盟（由中國青年報及國內63所重點高校組成）發起的一項關於大學生容貌焦慮的調查中，60%的受訪大學生表示有一定程度的容貌焦慮。

調查資料顯示，只有極少數人表示對自己的容貌“非常滿意”——

12.77%的男生和6.08%的女生。

容貌焦慮從何而來？

儘管從小被教育“外表不重要，重要的是內在”，但現實往往就是殘酷的——

“有趣的靈魂和好看的皮囊，你最好都要有。”

Multiple studies reveal that many adolescents and young women develop anxiety over their appearance largely because of increasing insecurity in how they look。 A recent poll by xiaomei。com， a media association of the country’s universities， reveals that nearly 60 percent of respondents have body image anxiety and that fewer female students （6。08 percent） are “very satisfied” with their appearance than males （12。77 percent）。

According to The Psychology of Appearance， women aged 17 through 85 all maintain a high level of dissatisfaction with their body images， especially those aged between 18 and 30， 69 percent of whom experience anxiety regarding their overall appearances。 Comparatively， only 56 percent of men between 18 and 21 are concerned with their appearances， and that proportion drops by half when they reach the age of 50。

The country‘s fast-paced economic development in recent decades has changed how people view themselves。 Females are more susceptible to what others think of them， first of all， in regards to their appearance。 Many of them have become increasingly obsessive about their body – how pretty they look， how much they weigh。 Celebrities and normal people alike can’t escape aspiring toward “paper-thin waists” or “chopstick legs。”

For a time， toxic criteria of slimness made their rounds on social media， such as millions of netizens sharing photos of eggs being delicately perched on their pronounced collarbones。 These bizarre internet trends have further contributed to the social anxiety of young women who fear judgment or strive for perfectionism。 And there are the myriad beauty “gurus” who link slimness to self-discipline， and beauty to power。

02

Who defines beauty?

And for whom?

小時候，班裡最漂亮的女生身邊總有一堆人圍著，每天都會收到不知是誰送來的早餐和各種零食。

長大了，進入社會，漂亮的女生似乎也總能在職場上游刃有餘，在人際上享受更多優勢。

後來，主流審美逐漸被三個字高度概括——“白幼瘦”，它一夜之間成了美女的代名詞。

去年夏天，網路上流傳著一張極為苛刻的“BM女孩身高體重表”：

“BM女孩”的說法，源自歐洲的一個少女服飾品牌——布蘭迪·梅爾維爾（Brandy Melville，簡稱BM）。

BM實行“One Size Fits Most”（適合大多數的均碼）策略，但其產品的實際尺寸相當於XS或S碼，比如褲子的腰圍通常在25英寸（1尺9或64釐米）左右。BM進軍美國後，以所向披靡之勢引領加州時尚風潮，許多年輕美國女孩以能夠穿進BM的衣服為炫耀資本。

無論在東方還是西方，女性對於外表的追求似乎都沒有終點。

一個人的外表並非不重要，恰恰相反，很多時候乾淨整潔的外表是絕對的加分項。

但外表重要，並不等於應該追求單一的審美取向。

在諸如“白幼瘦”等社會塑造的審美標準下，許多女性活在美顏與P圖軟體的世界中，活在“必須漂亮”的魔咒中。

而當這種單一的審美成為外界對女性“自律”與否的判斷標準時，“美”也成為了一個具象的、有限的、狹隘的形容詞，成了一道厚重的枷鎖。

“To lose confidence in one‘s body is to lose confidence in oneself，” said French writer and intellectual Simone de Beauvoir。 This quote by an icon in philosophical feminism from the last century still has relevance today。

From the well-known saying “slim down， flaws gone” to the thunderclap FSY – “Fair， Skinny， Youthful”– a singular set of golden standards is applied across East Asia telling women what they need to look like to be considered good-looking。 Pressured by this unitary， parochial approach to beauty， strict appearance management has become a so-defined “healthy” lifestyle。

26歲的然妮（化名）不是現代意義上的美女。戲劇專業出身的她，曾有過無數次失敗的試鏡經歷。

回憶起在北京電影學院讀書時的一次試鏡經歷，她平靜又無奈——

“那些女生都很漂亮，還是大高個兒，又瘦，超級瘦，沒有人跟我一樣。我覺得很自卑，那一刻我真的覺得很自卑。”

那時的她，身高1米67，體重108斤左右，遠低於她的身高所要求的標準體重。

後來，臨近畢業，在各種壓力下她一度瘦到97斤，卻在瘦下來後意外獲得2個角色——這也是她20多場試鏡中得到的僅有的2個角色。

For 26-year-old Rani Wei， the experience hits close to home。 The former actress said in most of the auditions she had attended， she was discriminated against because she was “overweight” and “not that beautiful” by filmmaking standards。

“All other girls there look pretty， tall， skinny， super skinny。 Nobody looks like me。 At that moment， I felt bad， really bad，” she told CGTN in recounting a film audition during her college years at the Beijing Film Academy。 Back then， the 5’5‘’-tall Rani weighed 120 pounds and didn‘t have the girly or sultry look。

“I’m not the standard-looking actress in Chinese society today， so I could barely get the part，” Wei said。 Upon graduation， she slimmed down to 104 pounds after a bout of alcoholism and insomnia。 Ironically， her unhealthy weight loss led to her getting the only two parts out of 20 auditions she attended over those years。

But she doesn‘t want to become a “stunner” through plastic surgery or intentional weight loss， as many actresses do。 “Because that’s not me。 I am who I am。”

Wei thinks body image is a tag particularly attached to women。 She grew up breaking away from what she was taught since childhood： a girl is supposed to be virtuous and must manage her body in order to have a happy family。 After graduating， she veered away from being an actress to teaching English theater at an international school。

即將30歲的唐雪濛是一家公關公司的客戶經理。在公司，她和同事們習慣了以“卡路里”來計算每天的食物；瘦身、吃輕食、節制飲食是一種心照不宣的“企業文化”。

就算在旁人看來，她已經“漂亮到一定程度了”，但她內心對外表的掙扎仍然無法停止——

“每一年，每個月，每個禮拜，每一天，我都會掙扎……為了外貌的掙扎是永無止境的。”

“I live with that struggle every day。 When I was a teenager， I was always doubting whether my face was too big， whether my nose was too wide。 And now， I‘m afraid of getting old，” said Tang Xuemeng。 Turning 30， she said she fears the wrinkles creeping onto her face and cheeks sagging due to loss of collagen。

Unlike Wei， Tang Xuemeng is still stuck in a high-stress cycle。 Upholding strict standards of appearance and grooming has become one of the corporate cultures of the PR conglomerate where she works。 “I started paying attention to my body in junior high and struggled to get thinner bit by bit。 When I was less than 100 pounds during my college years， I noticed my wide jaws， so I went to get a Botox injection， but then I discovered that my cheeks looked chubby，” she recalled。

“Every day， every week， every year， I would always find somewhere on my body I’m not satisfied with，” said Tang。 To her and her female colleagues， the pursuit of beauty is never-ending。 “It‘s common sense in my company that we have to watch our diet and stay in shape。”

23歲的莫妮卡（音譯）對自己穿XL尺碼的衣服這件事並不在意——“美應該是多元化的。”

儘管如此，她的家人卻時時關注著她的身材。她的媽媽曾讓她當時的男友關注她的飲食，以免變得“更胖”。因為在媽媽看來，男友的身材要比她好得多。

Monica is a “big” girl who’s open and cheerful。 She‘s happy with wearing a size XL or larger。 “There should be a diversity of beauty，” she said。 The 23-year-old was once concerned about her body after gaining weight in the UK， but that quickly flashed by。 “I’m created for sweets。 I think I‘m over-compensating in my free， adult life without my parents around，” she said。

Monica recalled that her mother had once told her then-boyfriend to watch her diet because in her eyes she was “fat” while her then-boyfriend was in good shape。 “She even cried， leaving me quite surprised。” That’s one way to parent in many Chinese families – the thinking is that girls should keep fit so that they‘ll be more popular in society。

24歲的趙洋洋目前在一家網際網路公司做運營專員。在找到這份工作之前，外表偏中性化的她，遭遇過各種各樣的求職瓶頸：

朋友給她介紹工作，她卻發現被帶進了傳銷組織；找人替她找工作，卻被說“先減減肥”；後來終於找到一份銷售的工作，卻仍因“不夠女性”的外表而不被接納和認可……

When it comes to asking the daughter to lose weight， Zhao Yangyang has a mother that’s the same as Monica‘s。 Zhao， 24， has taken diet pills from countries such as Japan and South Korea。 “They really worked， though they made you thirsty。”

She had a harrowing experience in fighting against her looks。 “I don’t like myself in a dress，” she said。 Because of her androgynous style， she failed to find a job after numerous attempts， and was then tricked into a pyramid scheme。 “Back then， I was so excited because I thought finally someone accepted me as who I am。”

She managed to escape the scheme and spent a long time recovering。 Then she found a job selling lingerie， even though she was adamant about not wearing a dress and leather shoes that her boss required。 “I was dismissed by my colleagues。 They‘d say， ’How could you sell out a bra with this look？‘” But soon after， she became the top salesperson in her company， with the most repeat customers。

03

Ways of seeing

2005年，英國文化藝術批評論家約翰·伯格（John Berger）在他的名作《觀看之道》（

Ways of Seeing

）一書中寫道——

“男人觀看女人，而女人觀看被觀看的自己。女性從小就被訓練用男性的視角來觀看女性……因此（女性）將她們自身變成一個物體——更準確的說是視覺之物：一種景觀。”

如果說審美是一種社會塑造的產物，那麼是否迎合這種審美規則，卻是個體的選擇。

然妮曾想過改變自己，讓自己變成大家更喜歡的樣子，讓自己更符合外界口中對“漂亮女生”的定義。

但後來她發現，當人們不喜歡她原本的樣子時——

“就算我按照他們喜歡的方式去改變（自己），他們還是不喜歡我。”

In a recent hit miniseries produced by Zhao Wei， the popular actress and socialite， women take center stage。 “Magic Mirror，” the first episode of this female monologue drama called “Hear Her，” tells of a young woman who resents her own body image and spends 157 minutes putting on makeup every day to attain her standard of beauty。 “Magic mirror， tell me who’s the ugliest person in the world。 It‘s me， definitely。” The drama begins with this soliloquy from the woman， who’s sorting out a proper bag and shoes from piles of fashion stuff to match her delicate makeup。 “A flat nose， two thin lips， wide jaws， sparse hair， thick ankles， stumpy legs…”

“Whether we are tall or short， fat or slim， we don‘t want to be treated as an object，” Tang said， looking adamantly at the camera。

Maybe the willingness to talk about body image in public is progress， though tiny， as women try to define their own worth and beauty instead of having others do it for them。 As the protagonist in “Magic Mirror” asks near the end of the episode， “Why has beauty， which is supposed to be the most inclusive and diverse， become so narrow？”

在《魔鏡》中，齊溪扮演的女主角在卸去精緻的妝容後，向自己發出直擊靈魂的叩問——

“你到底在取悅誰？”

到這裡，短片將對容貌焦慮的探討帶入了更深的層面——

女性對於自我外表的、近乎苛刻的追求，是否也在某種程度上固化了本就單一的審美標準？

沒有人說胖女孩就不能是漂亮的，也沒有人說面板黑的女孩就不能是自信的。

但從什麼時候開始，“美”這樣一個本該如銀河般浩瀚無垠的形容詞，漸漸被束縛在方寸之間。

而你我，對此沒有質疑。

“

最為包容、廣闊的美，

變得狹窄、單調，

縱容這種變化的，

不是別人，

就是我。

”